Yaoi horror!
by Alana Hikari-Chan
Summary: Dropped. Old and bad, read at your own risk! Character Finds the Internet fic, and lethal to the braincells.
1. AHHHHH!

I don't own KH or their characters, or Kissing Lesson, or Next Lesson, or any other story that I talk about. And all of these are somewhere on FanFiction.net at sometime. Also, This is my first Fanfic. Sorry to anyone I might offend, and yaoi is just fine, but, if they were STRAIGHT . . . ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Yaoi Horror (A/N: Awful title)  
  
Riku looked at his brand new computer with wireless Internet. And screamed.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH (COUGH) HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (GASP!) HHHHHH (HACK!) HHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"SORA! It's HORRIBLE!" Riku stared at the screen. /Kissing lesson?!/ It was him and Sora. /kissing/. KISSING! A LOT! PASSONATELY!  
  
~ Calm down Riku, just one story of you and Sora, not that much. some people will always get weird ideas . . .~  
  
He scanned over the descriptions . . .  
  
"SORA! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU NOW! IT'S HORRIBLE! TELL ME IT ISN'T TRUE!"  
  
"What, Riku? What's so bad?"  
  
Riku pointed at the screen, speechless.  
  
Sora looked. And read the screen.  
  
"What the hell?! Who wrote this? That is GROSS!"  
  
The urge to touch and kiss him came up again and Sora felt as though he was going insane. Or maybe he just needed some sleep.And a split of a second later, they were kissing again, desperately trying to feel more of the other. Sora sighed, Riku gasped, they both moaned quietly as their tongues met again.   
  
"This is the second story. And there are ten chapters."  
  
Sora and Riku stared at the screen, disgusted.  
  
"If it was me and Kairi, then that would be . . . acceptable. Not by much, but. . . but US?"  
  
They both shuddered.  
  
"And most of the romances are like that- ether that or Leon and Cloud. LEON and CLOUD, for goodness sakes. I've even seen one with Sepheroth and Aris and one with Ansem as Kairi's dad."  
  
" Ansem?"  
  
"Ansem."  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~  
  
"Mom?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Can I go over to Riku's?"  
  
"Sure Sora."  
  
Sora ran out of the house and over to Riku's.  
  
"What new stories have 'ya found?"  
  
"Well, one with you being someone who mutilates yourself, another with us at Halloween Town's Halloween party and us making out on the curly hill, and you unwrapping starbursts with your tongue. Yuffie took Sepheroth aside to help him . . . Practice that."  
  
"YUFFIE and SEPH? Oh my GOD. You made that up."  
  
"Honest truth. And way too many Yuff and Leon. There was one where Kairi was ruling Malifcent, since Malificent's windows could only take so much screeching. Ansem accidentally killed the wrong silver-haired guy."  
  
"Sepheroth?"  
  
"Yep. Sepheroth, the one and only. '. . .But you didn't say he had a wing . . .' 'Riku didn't have a wing last I saw him?'  
  
"Ansem and Kairi?"  
  
"Yep. And a few more, like one that was just . . . wrong."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Me and . . ." Riku shuddered. "King Mickey"  
  
"That's sick. I mean, REALLY sick."  
  
"I know."  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~  
  
So? Good? Bad? Vomit? Should I go on? Should I leave it there? 


	2. two justifyed rages

ARGH!  
Who said I didn't like Yaoi? I like It fine! But what would YOU think if you ran across a story with you and someone of the same sex in love when you're NOT gay or by! And I have no problem with Riku and Sora in love- Personally I believe that, at least, Riku likes Sora a bit out of the "Just Friends" way, read my story Reflection! - But what if they WEREN'T and found this site? I personally think R&S and Y&Y are cute couples! Now, I'm done with the rant, but think before you Post a opinion! Oh, and "LOLOLOL" is not a reasonable review.  
THINK! And thanks to the people who supported me.  
(Oh, I did have paragraphs in the original, but FF.net didn't accept word very well.)  
  
Part 2  
Kairi  
~~~~~~~~~  
(About a month after Riku finds Fanfiction.net . . .)  
"WHAT?!"  
Kairi stared. And thought about the implications. And read how she was a total #####.  
"Sora? Come here!"  
"What is it? Is something wrong? Oh..." Sora trailed off as he saw the computer screen. "You found the site."  
Kairi looked at Sora. He recognized the site, and was not shocked by it?  
"Sora?..." He winced at her death glare.  
"What? Oh, Riku found it around a month ago. The stories are actually pretty good, if you ignore who they're about..."  
"THEY ARE STORYS ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND AND RIKU MAKING OUT! HOW CAN I IGNORE THAT?! AND SOME OF THEM, NO MOST OF THEM, MAKE ME OUT AS A BAD GUY! HO THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO IGNORE THAT?! Idiot!"  
Sora cringed away from Kairi, who had NEVER gotten so angry before.  
"Well, the ones with me and Riku usually have a warning, so you can avoid reading it..."  
"THE IDEA IS STILL THERE! AND WITH HOW MANY THERE ARE, I WILL ONLY BE ABLE TO READ AROUND ONE STORY PER PAGE! AND THESE PEOPLE HAD TO GET THE IDEA SOMEHOW, DIDN'T THEY?!"  
Sora ran from the metaphorical dragon that was currently frying him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
See? That wasn't so bad! And how would you feel in Kairi's position?  
Oh, and JoannaD, it's your "Lookit all the pretty paisley horses" story that I was referring to in the first chapter. Although I can see it happening to ANYONE trapped in KH five years, one of them (The years)completely alone. 


	3. Flameing Eyes! Kairi Rages! FINALLY an u...

Heya everyone!  
Audience: (Growls in hate and throws assorted rotten veggies at me)  
HEY! (Runs in circles trying to dodge)  
Jo: Well, you haven't updated in FOREVER, Alana.  
Yeah, but... HEY! Tomatoes, yeah, but MOOGLES?!  
Well, I am now an affirmed R/S fan-  
Jo: WOOPIE! JOY!  
-... Right. Well, I'm gonna make Kairi EVIL. Go FrozenLioness! And thanks to all that reviewed, ESPECIALLY Songwind! I adore you, Songwind! Keep up B&B! ^_^ Hope ya like this chappie!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"RIKU! SAVE ME!"  
Riku looks up from sparring with Tidus. Sora is running like a madman to get away from a demon-ish looking Kairi.  
"Let me guess. She found the site?" Riku calls out in an amused voice. Kairi stops dead in her tracks and turns ever so slowly to face Riku. He lets out a small meep and runs for the hills. "I'll beat you up another time, Tidus!"  
Tidus stares at the running trio, scratches his head, and walks off to challenge Wakka.  
***  
"Kairi! I can explain!" Riku yells from the top of the wooden tower.  
"Oh yeah?! HOW?!!" Kairi screams back up.  
"Er... Sora, run." Kairi's flaming eyes set fire to the tower. "Cancel that, just jump. It'll be easier." Sora takes a look down and grabs the handlebar thingys, leaving Riku alone.  
"HEY! Sora, I thought we're friends!"  
"Friendship can only go so far, Riku!" Kairi takes off after him, moving amazingly fast- almost as fast as Cloud, if that's possible. In fact, she DOES seem to be flickering orange... Nah, probably just the towering inferno behind her.  
"KAIRI! Every one of my stories is totally yaoi free!" Sora screams in a desperate attempt to calm her down. She stops yet again, but is it just me, or is the tower burning even hotter?  
"You. Have. An. ACCOUNT?!?!?!"  
Sora wisely decides not to hang around.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
HA! Cliffhanger!  
Jo: Riku's not dead. You like him too much. And if Sora dies, so do you, Alana.  
... That just spoiled the cliffie, you know.  
Jo: Yep! ^_^  
Oh well, I still have a few things up my sleeves.  
Jo: No you don't.  
JO! Stop it right now! Or else...  
Jo: Or else what?  
Maroon.  
Jo: (Gulp) Maroon? The drawing? And... Oh, BLEEP!  
Yes, Maroon, the un-mused muse. I only need three muses, and she is SO much better drawn than you...  
Jo: I'll behave! I promise!  
Good. Well, R&R! Ya know, the purple button in the corner?  
VVVV That thing. 


	4. They may survive Eh, I doubt it FEELINGS...

Er. Well. This is a success. (Blinking in surprise) Sorry the last chap was so short. I'll try to make this one longer!  
  
Note: Some of you obviously aren't reading my notes. I DO LIKE YAOI! (Points to way too many reviews with self and Jo being hyper from sugar and good guy/guy) I'm writing this because when I started it, I DIDN'T like shonen-ai, and people liked it! I _LIKE_ R/S! (Points to Much Too Deep, where Riku figures out he had a crush on Sora!)  
  
(Sigh)  
  
I'm all ranted out. So. Story!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sora shoots into the secret place, rolling a large stone into the entrance. He collapses against the aforementioned stone, breathing heavily. A screech fills his ears and he feels the rock vibrating with Kairi's punches.  
  
"COME OUT, YOU IDIOT LITTLE WEASEL! How DARE you! How _DARE_ you!" Little tongues of flame leap through the cracks around the rock. Sora somehow manages to shiver in the inferno-like heat.  
  
"Kairi! I didn't ever justify the Kingdom Hearts section by writing a Fan Fic for it! I only wrote for the Disney and Final Fantasies!" ~ She'll never know I'm lying! ~  
  
The fire recedes for a moment. The screaming pauses. Then it returns full force. "STINKING LIAR! I DON'T KNOW WHY I EVER LIKED YOU!"  
  
Sora blinks. "You liked me?"  
  
The flames blink out and return double force. "BAAAAAAKAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"  
  
~~*~~  
  
Riku dances around on the beach, hitting his flaming pants and patting his singed hair. He jumps into the ocean, and jumps straight back out.  
  
"COLD!!!!"  
  
His pants have gone out- finally. He gazes at the flaming once-tower, sighing with relief. "I'm glad Kairi isn't after me anymore..." A screech fills the air. Riku blinks. "VERY glad." The screeching stops for a moment, only to refill the air. "VERY, _VERY_ glad. Should I save Sora?... Nah. He's not worth dying for." And he walks off whistling to re-challenge Tidus.  
  
~~*~~  
  
Tidus relates the events to Wakka, who nods knowingly.  
  
"Sounds like Kairi found the website. It has all sorts of strange pairings, ya?"  
  
"Like what, Wakka?"  
  
"Well, sometimes the author gets into the story and rules everyone's lives, or glomps the guy she has a crush on, ya? And sometimes they write things with guys in love with guys, usually because there have been hints, but not always. And there are a lot of random stories, with no point, and re-writing something from another point of view, and that stuff, ya?" Wakka nods again. "It's called fanfiction.net. It can be pretty good, ya, when it has plot and point." He pauses. As an after thought, he adds another ya.  
  
Tidus shrugs, ignoring the black smoke billowing from by the waterfall. "Cool. Maybe I'll check it out sometime. So, wanna blitz?" Wakka grins and nods.  
  
"Sure, Tidus. Anytime, ya?"  
  
TBC  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Did I over-do the 'ya's? Is it too short? Did you like it? REVIEW!!! 


	5. Inhuman Demon and Mental Hospitals, oh m...

Er, hi.  
  
*Everyone throws stuff at me because it's be forever since I updated*  
  
SORRY! I've been working on Experimental and Flowers and Pale Night! *Tries to dodge everything* But I DID eventually update! Be proud of me!  
  
Warning: MUCH Kairi bashing.  
  
Starlet: Whoops, should have told everyone... baka is the equivalent of "Idiot" or "Stupid". You're not, I just use too much Japanese without realizing it.  
  
Thanks also for reviewing: kboom94, Sora-and-stitchy, inoaheartilly, zhakeena, Pheep ^^, Avoen, Eiko Makimachi, Leann-chan, Tigris, Kauai Girl 23, HarmonyIsarine, and everyone before.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Now, as we all know, Kairi is not human. In fact, she is an evil demon Mary-Sue who is the TRUE bad guy. It's because of her Sora was temporarily turned into a Heartless! Because of her Riku and Sora fought! And since she is inhuman, she has especially sharp hearing.  
  
This does not bode well for Tidus and Wakka, who are beset upon by a screaming banshee shortly after their conversation terminates.  
  
The insane, scratching, kicking, fire-eyed banshee (AKA, Kairi) does her best to maul them as she yells about secrets and idiotic boys, leaving the stone blocking the secret place unguarded.  
  
Sora, needless to say, pushes the boulder away and runs like hell towards the only safety he can think of.  
  
* * *  
  
"Riku!"  
  
Riku looks away from the cheerfully burning tower to see Sora waving and running towards him. Riku waves back and continues to munch on the mushroom he roasted over the twenty-foot-tall blaze.  
  
"Riku, Kairi's INSANE!" Sora chokes out between gasps as he reaches Riku.  
  
"I know, Sora." Riku takes another bite.  
  
"She's trying to kill Tidus and Wakka!" Sora yelps. "That was the only reason I wasn't stuck in the secret place for forever!"  
  
"So?" Riku examines the fire. "I wonder what toasted paupu fruit tastes like."  
  
"RIKU! Are you listening to me?"  
  
"No. Kairi's not a problem anymore." He pops the last bit of mushroom into his mouth.  
  
Sora gapes. "Kairi NOT a problem?! Didn't you see her start that fire?! Did you see her being rational?"  
  
Riku grins. "I got help." He tosses his cell phone into the air and catches it. "The operater got me connected to Destiny Island Mental Hospital."  
  
* * *  
  
A man in white steps out of a motor boat and surveys the area around him. He pulls out a small audio tape recorder.  
  
"This seems to have been a legitimate call. There are signs of a canon character rampage, including natives that have been mauled by a female. Recognizable by the fingernail scratches." The scientist follows some screams down the beach and sees the subject snarling at a hole in the rock wall in front of her. "The subject seems slightly disrupted by the fact that while she was mauling the natives, the boy who incurred her wrath left the immediate area. I would deem this subject dangerous."   
  
The scientist turns the recorder off and pulls out a radio. "Hey, we have a rubber room case up here. I'll need some backup."  
  
This is said just as Kairi turns around.  
  
She heard every word.  
  
The scientist's hair catches on fire.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Eugh. Another short chapter. But I'm starting the next one RIGHT NOW! (Clicks new document button) So please, review? 


	6. We're doomed More Demon MarySue bashing,...

Er... Hi again?  
  
*Gets flamed, attacked, strangled, mauled by muses, veggies thrown at, and otherwise hurt by readers who've been waiting almost half a year for more*  
  
Ita~i... @_@  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom hearts, that I do not.  
  
Thanks to all my reviewers! ^_^: Maria Rose Black (I'll keep that in mind) Ladyshumon (*Giggle* Thanks!) Falco91 (Well, looks like I am... Finally...) Eiko Makimachi (And I'm continuing it!) HarmonyIsarine (Er... ^_^;;) Animedea (Eheh...) Baby Chocobo (Hey, I'm a perv who actually prefers yaoi lemons to straight ones. Don't feel bad. ^_^;;) Hentai-Sango (*Beams* It's a favvie?! Yay! ^_^) inoaheartilly (Heh, who wouldn't feel sorry for his hair?) me (*Laugh*) Okayu (Mm-hm.) Ruby-San (Er... Sooner... Right... *Sweatdrop*) CloudRox1 (Well, at least I updated soon after YOU reviewed, ne? ^_^;;)  
  
*********************  
  
Yaoi Horror!  
  
*********************  
  
Screams of pain echo across Destiny Island once again as the man is a white coat runs in circles, trailing smoke. Not being as smart as Riku, he ignores the ocean nearby, instead trying to put the fire out by eliminating oxygen from the surrounding area.  
  
It doesn't really work.  
  
As he takes another deep, quick breath, he inhales some of the smoke, and sorta starts to cough. Now, since his lungs are smarter than his brain, they make him fall over and roll around on the ground. He rolls this-way and that-way, first bumping into a tree, then falling into the water.  
  
Water sort of stopped the oxygen and heat, and the man in white stops flaming in favor of smoking gently. But, as I said, it stopped the oxygen.  
  
He breathes in about a gallon of water before Evil Demon Kairi grabs him by the hair and pulls his head up, her burning eyes halfway closing, a hiss escaping from her fanged mouth.  
  
The scientist coughs up the gallon of water into her face.  
  
"AHHHH!"  
  
Kairi drops the poor man, and he bolts for the other side of the island as her claws try to rake water out of her face. And slowly- surely- irreversibly-  
  
The evil demon Mary-Sue starts to grow angrier.  
  
***  
  
Sora roasts a coconut over the bonfire, chatting amiably with Riku, when they both heard a scream. They glance at each other, then at the thin tendril of white smoke appearing over the ridge in the middle of the island.  
  
They ignore it.  
  
"Do you really think Cinderella is cuter than Belle?" Sora inquires, continuing the conversation.  
  
"Oh, definitely!" Riku nods twice. "And I admire her so, for following her dreams. Belle had absolutely no choice in going to Beast's castle."  
  
"Well, yeah, but-"  
  
The scientist appears, stumbling away from the connecting door and across the bridge, accidentally making the unstable part fall apart and getting dumped in the water.  
  
Riku raises a eyebrow.  
  
Sora blinks. "Uh, Riku, isn't that the guy who's supposed to be getting rid of Kairi?"  
  
"I think so..."  
  
They watch the scientist flounder out of the water, singed brown hair plastered to his face. Sora doesn't notice his coconut catching on fire.  
  
"Riku..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"We're doomed."  
  
TBC  
  
**************************  
  
Okay, I'll update sooner this time. Granted, that's anything under five months, but I'd forgotten how much FUN writing this story can be, even if now I totally disagree and would rather read Riku/Sora than SoKairi. ^_^;; Well, please review! 


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